These few days, my parents wanted me to go for intern in design studios. I know it's for my own good, but i just refuse to. I REFUSE TO GO FOR AN INTERN. End up arguing with my parents, shouting at home, even my brother couldn't stand me any longer. People must be thinking why, why am i so silly. Yes, i am, silly, immature, a big time LOSER. The thing is, i am a coward, i am afraid of everything or anything in this world. Friends see me as a person who has a lot of courage, in fact, that is all just an ACT. Most of my friends do not know my true self, how short tempered i really am, how pathetic i can get when i am depressed, how scary i can get when i shout at home. Truth is, i'm afraid i am not capable enough to work out there, i'm afraid that people would laugh at me, i'm afraid that i screw things up since the things i always do does not goes right all the time, i'm afraid of everything!
I end up locking myself in my room, crying under my blanket in my room for half an hour, at first the reason i cried was why are my parents forcing me to do this, why am i so useless, why do people keep rejecting me, why this and that, why did i fail in everything.
And then i realize how much time i wasted at home, while my classmates are all doing something useful, make use of their time achieving their goals and dreams, and why am i still sitting here, wasting my time, WASTING MY TIME not doing anything.
In the end, parents gave up the idea of asking me to go for intern, i actually do feel abit guilty, but i will see how things turn out. I suddenly couldn't make up my mind what i want to do next, felt like suddenly there is no direction for me. For now, i want to solve all of my problems one by one.
