Motivation in every way

I've been in Hertfordshire for 3 months and i feel like i am not productive at all. So what did i do if i did not have any progress in my assignments? GOD, I HAD BEEN SLEEPING FOR 3 MONTHS! This is just too much! I really need some motivation, i need a goal!!! I really need to work my ass off to catch up with my original pace back in Malaysia again!

Today i went for a talk after my tutorial. It's a designer from Brand Union came to share about his experiences and ideas. Pretty amazed! The way they think is really really different. Felt abit relieved when he said "we actually like people who can draw a bit." YES! +1 for doodling motivation!

Some random doodles i did 2 weeks ago, exploring new colour combinations :D love this new combo

*Ice Ice Baby!* Hail rain 2 weeks ago, prettttyyyy.

I felt like i can't motivate people. Especially David. I've been dragging him down instead of motivating him! I'm sorry :( 

Last day

One more day to go, feeling really nervous even though there are lots of activities for us. Still, NERVOUS!

and i don't think i am ready to leave home.

20+1

Dear myself,

It's time. The most terrifying age. Truly terrifying. It symbolize not only freedom but alot of responsibilities and decisions that you need to make by your own. Be more independent and be more confident!

Let go of your past, and never look back. Don't try to chase things and people as they will step in naturally into your life.

Nobody is perfect, please learn how to accept people in package. You have your own weakness too. Don't always be mad about little things and don't hate people because of little things.

Be sincere, be honest, be true in front of people. Never hide how you are feeling, never be afraid to say NO, be sincere to your friends, be thankful, appreciate what you have because you really have almost everything!

Do what you love, love what you do. Don't let other people bring you down, don't care about what other people think!

Love yourself :)

Suhan, Happy birthday.

Getting Worse

I don't get it, why am i constantly angry whatever my mom say to me? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME! I'm getting worse every single day! Why can't i change?? i know i'm giving excuses to myself that i cannot change, but i tried really hard to change my temper. I tried, but whatever my mom said for now just pisses me off everytime!

I'm such a bad child :( Might as well don't talk to avoid all these conflicts and arguments, i'm sick and tired of it! I feel like i don't have the energy to continue this.

Walking Volcano

Today, i text my brother told him about my arguments with mom (AGAIN), i was quite shocked when he replied "i hope your temper becomes better after 1 year"

Yes i know, i have a really really really SERIOUS BAD temper, and i felt like i'm not showing my true self to my friends. Seriously, non of my friends ever seen me with bad temper and all the cursing and scoldings before. Well, except for 1 time when i went Thailand trip with my classmates and i exploded right in front of Jing Fong and Yvonne because we actually lost the way. I can tell through their faces "gosh never seen suhan acted like that before" hahaha.

So if i'm not being true to myself.. How do i know if people will like me or not. Like they said, the real friends will stay no matter how rotten i am.

I wish i can, but i'm horrified to show people my true self, it's just like a monster.

:(

People don't like me, am i really not trustable? :(

Can i make it?

Everyone look pretty excited, 3 more weeks to go and i'm leaving for UK for my final year. I really got a bad feeling about this, although i myself, yes, excited but on the other hand, i questioned myself: Is people going to accept me? What if i did not manage to make any friends? What if i cannot manage my time? 

Honestly, i do regret a little for going to UK. The fear in me is taking over me. Although i've been staying away from home for 3 years, but i still am afraid of loneliness. I'm afraid of everything.

Bad temper of mine

I became more and more short tempered than before. I feel really pissed and start cursing and shouting if someone interrupt me while i'm playing games. whhhhyyy is this happening to me.................!

i'm the luckiest girl on earth :)
(and nope, it's not an april's fool joke/trick)

Smile

Sometimes i wonder if my doodles/ drawings could make people happy. HAHAHA maybe not, just imagining things.

Stagnant

It's sem break and I feel horrible for not doing anything for one whole week. I'm being so unproductive.

Self Reminder II

【成功者的习惯】

1.微笑。
2.气质纯朴。
3.不向朋友借钱。
4.背后说别人好话。
5.听到某人说别人坏话时只微笑。
6.过去的事不让人全知道。
7.尊敬不喜欢你的人。
8.对事无情，对人有情。
9.喜欢自己。
10.多做自我批评。
11.为别人喝彩。
12.感恩。
13.学会聆听。
14.说话时常用我们开头。
15.少说话。

【建立人脉的15个提示】
1、学会换位思考；
2、学会适应环境；
3、学会大方；
4、学会低调；
5、嘴要甜；
6、有礼貌；
7、言多必失；
8、学会感恩；
9、遵守时间；
10、信守诺言；
11、学会忍耐；
12、有一颗平常心；
13、学会赞扬别人；
14、待上以敬，待下以宽；
15、经常检讨自己。

年轻的我们必须懂 得：
1、你不勇敢，没人替你坚强。
2、没有伞的孩子必须努力奔跑！
3、自己选择的路、跪着也要把它走完。
4、不要生气要争气，不要看破要突破，不要嫉妒要欣赏，不要拖延要积极，不要心动要行动。
5、宁愿跑起来被拌倒无数次，也不愿规规矩矩走一辈子。就算跌倒也要豪迈的笑

【让你成熟至少5岁的8句话】
1、如果你不喜欢现在的工作，要么辞职不干，要么闭嘴不言。
2、学会忍受孤独。
3、不要像玻璃 那样脆弱，做个内心强大的人。
4、管住自己的嘴巴。
5、会创造机会。
6、若电话老是不响，你该打出去。
7、不要草率结婚。
8、写出你一生要做的事情，把单子放在皮夹里，经常拿出来看。

Really?

I'm sure my parents would say that it's just the way i think or analyze things, but seriously, when people you don't expect that called you all of the sudden, isn't it because they have their own intention? like, asking for your help, and maybe wanted to borrow some stuff from you.
(okay, maybe is just the childish way i think)

But really, is this how it works nowadays? A friend. Do people really just be friends with only awesome people? and if it really is, why, why do people only want to be friends with awesome people? We're already all adults and now i still see people fighting for friend, as in they think that X person shouldn't be good friends with Y person because they deserve to be Y person "best friend" more than X person. I feel like i'm still studying in elementary/high school. Do people have to be this picky?

It just bugs me really much, and i was wondering for quite a while.
(okay, maybe i suck and probably jealous of other people)

Honestly, till today i haven't found the true meaning of best friend. I have close friends and i believe i treat everyone the same no matter how much i hate or adore them.

Show

Maybe i'm a show off, no good but still a show off.

Alot of "but" 's

I really wouldn't think that much when i sketch/doodle, but this time is different. I'm really eager to see, LOVE to see different kind of illustration style, looking at them just makes me happy, but this this i feel a little different. I know shouldn't lock myself up in my own world, we should go out and we learn and we improve. But after seeing people's sketches and drawings (they are really really awesome), i start to have doubts again. My illustration style is really boring, and to be precise, nothing special. I'm not sure anymore, like i said, i wouldn't bother thinking about all these when i draw, but now i do, and it scares me, if i don't see the world, i would not know where i stand, i would improve. ugh! i don't even know what am i thinking anymore.

This isn't the right time to think about all these. Sem break is near, so excited!!! Thailand trip with my classmates and lecturers and i want to learn to sew! 2 more weeks to go, which means, 2 more weeks of hell to go through, i hope i made it through >..< GANBATTE!

The Flame That Dies Out

I am not as hardworking that i used to be anymore, i used to finish my assignment during holidays so i would not have to rush when it's near deadline, i guess i changed. I'm totally the opposite right now, not motivated to do anything during my CNY break.

I think i'm a coward, selfish and ridiculous, i don't wanna die in my assignments yet i still couldn't start my assignments. Worst thing is i don't wanna die alone, that's not a really nice thought. What was i thinking?

I really hated group work, i feel like i can't communicate with my other group members and i am slow at understanding, ended up i have to re-do or do extras so that i hope my members do not blame me for not contributing anything.

Right now, i'm sacrificing my essay for this stupid group work, i know i'm gonna die in my essay, 101% sure. I'm gonna have to prepare to stay back during my sem break to re-do my essay. I can feel it. Maybe we all know that stuff that you don't put effort in, you surely will get your punishment.

I don't know what am i doing right now. Everything just pissed me off so so so much.

Boom Boom Pau

It's only the second day of Chinese New Year and i already had an argument with my mom, early in the morning! Not sure is it something wrong with me, or something wrong with everybody. I hate it when people rush me for stuffs. I am suppose to edit family pictures that i took yesterday because relatives wanted to see them on facebook (badly) and so i stayed up so i could finish edit them, end up falling asleep, as usual. And then, mom suddenly told me that we're leaving at 10am for Penang while i am editing the pictures in the morning. WHAT THE FUCK!??? now you wanna fuck with me?! I am already rushing to edit all the pictures and now you tell me you're leaving at 10am and i did not pack my bags, AT ALL. 

I don't wanna argue anymore, it's only the second day of chinese new year, since when CNY become so different.. It's just too different.

Another Chance

(i know, i'm weird to be this attached to my ipod)

Just gone true a really bad weekend. Friends argue with each other although they didn't even meet before, ipod start up button sinked in!!!!! and i couldn't see the screen anymore. I hope it can be fix, went to Apple store yesterday and they told me the service centre was located in another area, and i had to take the bus there, which i couldn't because i'm going back to my hometown tomorrow. I think i did not treat my ipod right, feeling guilty and sad. I am really, really worried that they couldn't fix it. It just feels like part of my memories are inside there,  i really hope that it can be fixed =( I couldn't focus on whatever i'm doing for now, i just couldn't. Although Chines New Year is near, but there's still a mixed sad feeling inside me. 

If there's another chance, i really need it. 

Panic Attack

Here we go again, another group project working on refining our college's corporate identity. I really don't like group work and I'm feeling really stressed out right now, my working pace is really slow and i'm afraid i would drag teh whole group down. WHAT TO DO!

Sad Sunflower

I feel quite disappointed, not sure is it with myself or somebody else. Did not manage to go consultation for my essay yesterday, lecturer said that she has appointment to rush, and she told me on Tuesday that she will be free at 4pm. Great, just great, walked out just to see her and end up couldn't, essay title is not settle yet! ughhhh