Trap

It started out real bad, my first day of study break. All i wanted is some peace and here i am, arguing with my mom about internship all over again. I really fucking hate it, arguing all the time, my mind is really tired, my mind is constantly thinking about alot of stuffs and now i have to deal all these with my mom. I am very tired and i feel so trapped.

I am weird, i can't talk to anyone anymore. I cannot complain that nobody understands me, nobody understands how the way i feel, because i myself did not try to express my words well, i just couldn't. It is so difficult to find the right words to express. I am beginning to distance myself with everyone, i am locking myself away from everyone.

If only i can express myself better, without crying and screaming.

Sudden Guilt

When i woke up this morning, i suddenly realize how childish my thinking was. I couldn't imagine why would i say such a word, why would i judge somebody that way, why would i even got angry about it. I did not really carry out a role as a friend well enough. Yes, i told some of my friends that i hate everyone in this world, but actually what i said wasn't true. I'm just so confused with my own feelings and what i wanted to express sometimes, just went wrong. (but sometimes they are true, now i know why why high school friends that i am not trustable enough.) I really don't hate everyone, i just sometimes feel annoyed when they do stuffs that i don't like, that is all, the "hate" there, ends there after 15-20 minutes. I could not be angry with someone for more than 1 day, and that's really energy draining if i do that. 

I know everybody is not perfect, and i am learning to accept the way they are, just like how my friends accept me the way i am ( and i am truly glad and wanna thank my friends who really could accept me the way i am ). 

I just wish i can improve myself, i could express myself better. To my friends, i am sorry for being an asshole sometimes.