For a Friend

I guess i focus on myself too much. I am just too selfish. Always think for myself, blaming myself for everything, and not able to see how much my friends suffer from their problems. I always think that i am the only one who has problems. Guess not.

I failed as a friend, i can't even help a friend! I am not good at giving advice and comfort people. I'm just not good at it. I wish i did not drank 2 bottles and instead help my friend out :( Shit just happen and i just talk without filtering through my brain.

No More

I slept for only 2 hours and when i woke up, i felt like, someone hit my head really hard. It's the same thing happening again. Ex said that i am annoying either, now one of my friend said that too. I realize i really don't have the energy to give a fuck anymore. People who don't want to appreciate me, can fuck off. I'll go my own way.

Sorry sir, i probably won't give you a fuck anymore. You deserve it, since you said i'm an annoying bitch :) i won't bother you anymore.

I. WANT. TO. ESCAPE.

It hurts, really much. No matter how strong you are, you still can feel that nail hammered into your heart. Trying to show the real you, just doesn't work. Close friend saying that you annoyed them, that just doesn't make you feel better either.

At least i tried, but i'm really tired.

I really want to escape from this world, my life just keep getting worse.

That Spark

Getting used to the culture and the thinking here, not easy, and i thought i could adapt it quick. Been really depressed recently because i couldn't find a single solution for my assignment. Every solution i thought of is so boring! I myself can't even support my own solution, how am i gonna convince my tutor and other people about it?? 

I'm still very concerned that spark that my aunt told me last year. She said i still couldn't find that spark that light me up as a designer, still couldn't figure things out as a designer, still couldn't connect all the links like a designer. Am i forever stuck like this? Will i be forever stuck like this? 

I seriously don't know what to do anymore if i give up this course. 

I'm cruel

Sorry, you bitch about your injuries at the wrong fucking time. I just don't understand people anymore. I have internal injuries that almost need to be operated and you bitch about your injuries!?? at this time?? WHEN MY IDEAS GOT SWEPT AWAY!?

Sorry mate, i'm a cruel person, my parents don't even care when i fell so many times from the bike or from a slope. Just don't complain.

Peace.